Friday, October 23, 2009

HEY YOU GUYS!!!!!!


I don't blame this post on pregnancy as much as I just blame it on being partly crazy, BUT in the last few months, my dreams (all of which are nightmares!!!) have been plagued with horrible images of our child looking like this:

Seriously, what is wrong with me!!!! I even find myself adding to my prayers at night "and please let little baby get his father's looks and not Sloth's..."
I know I should be hoping that he comes out healthy and strong, being able to see, hear, breathe, etc., and I do hope for that -- but I also am petty and worry about really strange things, like:
-- What if he inherits a recessive squidget gene and only grows to be 5'1"? How will he get the ladies, especially if he inherits a recessive baldness gene? Will our son live with us until he is 35?
-- Is he going to come out with old man (the horseshoe) hair like Josh had when he was little?
-- What if he gets my butt? That suppleness (josh calls it my latin surprise, kristen calls it the 'muffin butt') might be a little awkward on a dude.
--What if he is as dumb as bricks? I will blame that on Josh? Again, will he live with us until he is 35?
--Or what if he is smarter than me by the 3rd grade? What good will I be to him then?
--If he inherits Josh's long "islander" toes, and my long fingers, will learning how to crawl and walk be a real challenge?
--What if he is no good at sports? Josh may disown him!!! Seriously, we are counting on him to be a lefty so we can ride the gravy train!!!
--Is he going to inherit my craziness? Because there's too much of that in our house already.
AND besides the baby and his gene pool, I also worry about my mothering skills:
--What if i am holding him and walking up the stairs and accidentally trip (it happens quite often) and fall on him and squish him and his eyes pop out? Seriously, I think that!!!
-- Will Kona think he is a chew toy and chew off his feet while I am sleeping?
-- What if I bring him to work one day and then forget him and leave him there all night? I have done that to my phone, and I really, REALLY can't live without my phone...
--What if my looks scare him and he cries everytime I hold him? It's happened with many children in the past, no lie!!!
Most days I really think -- whoah, what have i done to myself... This whole mom thing is going to be rough!!
But as long as he really doesn't come out looking like Sloth, I probably should be counting my blessings!!!!

9 comments:

{mike.amanda} said...

Seriously? I think I just peed my pants laughing. Honestly, I've only been at this 22 days, but your kid will live. I'm reassured that Elle knew my crazy antics and lived with my clumsiness for 9 months. No matter what, your cute boy will grow on you, even if he's packin a booty:) somehow, I think you will all be just fine and he will be DARLING! Hooray for u guys!

Jazzy said...

Oh that made me laugh. Especially your worries about Sloth and the recessive squidget gene. Oh man. I'm guessing he'll be pretty cute though:)

Dave and Melissa Geddes said...

I had the weirdest dreams when I was pregnant! um...let me just say my son came out looking like a funny little old man. I told the nurses they could keep him for awhile! Also, he is destined to be bald like the boys in my family. Many women think bald men are attractive. Or he could just have a come over like Mr. Hibbard. But really, with you and your husband in the mix, he's destined to be beautiful.

Kristen Archer said...

Okay, so your muffin butt is adorable... maybe it wouldn't be so cute on a guy, but that butt is all girl so he won't get it! :) Love you!

Whitney said...

You crack me up. And I love you.

Sara said...

You need to get that kid out! You are loosing your marbles....but I still love you, muffin butt and all!

Evelyn said...

I just hope he's not Satan.
Wait, I guess that would be OK.
I could just call you all the time and say, "Hey, Satan."

Cami Jo said...

I love reading your blog! You are so funny =) I am pretty sure your baby is going to be absolutely adorable and cuddly, none of the nightmarish things you are dreaming about!!! It should be anyday now, right?! I bet you are getting anxious!

JakEricA said...

well...i admit this is quite hilarious to read AFTER little weston has arrived. his most certainly is one of the cutest babies alive. even despite the fact he has my giant red lips!