My Guinness Book of World Records Entry:
Yes, I am quite possibly the world's largest pregnant woman alive. No, we are sure it's not twins. He may have had a twin at one point, which he swallowed, and is now a giant toddler growing inside of me. He may or may not have a full set of teeth and chest hair when (if) he comes out.
Besides the normal reasons of being excited to have a baby -- can't wait to cuddle him, smell his baby-ness, fall absolutely in love with him in every way possible, and more ooey gooey mush, I have a few personal and selfish agendas to having this baby OUT. They are as follows:
-- I can't wait to only have one chin. Actually, I'd settle for two chins. But this five chin thing (I may have 6 by next week) has GOT to stop. It's embarrassing.
-- Sausages for toes and cankles are OUT this season -- it's time I had some normal size feet that can fit into heels.
-- Not that I ever really enjoyed painting my own toenails (that's what little sisters are for!) I can't wait to reach them with ease, without grunting.
-- I am a stomach and a back sleeper. How I miss that dreadfully. And even if I'm actually missing out on the whole sleep part, I really can't wait to at least lie on my stomach for a full 10 minutes.
-- Pants with zippers and button flies. Need I say more.
-- I can't wait to JUMP again. A few months ago I attempted an 'agile' move from a boat to the dock... it did not go so well. Somehow my body didn't go up in the air as planned -- it was more of a trip over the side of the boat into the water. I think when he is out I will call on my childhood roots and attempt to get from one room in the house to the other without touching the floor and only jumping from one piece of furniture to the next (I know you all did it when you were young too, no judging!!!)
-- Oh blessed waistline, I hope you are still there waiting for me somewhere... As well as my belly button.
-- Not that I don't enjoy falling out of my bed every morning on purpose, it will be nice to just sit straight up and daintily/gracefully put my feet over the edge and get out like a normal person. As giant whale-sized as I am, I am surprised I haven't crashed through the floor with my attempted 'acrobats' at escaping the bed. Not to mention the plethora of pillows I surround myself with just to get comfortable!!! I am sure Josh will enjoy having more than 1/10th of the bed as well.
So with that said, I will be holding my breath until Josh Jr. comes out. I wish it would be tonight.