Land of Lund

Cynical in my old age, perhaps?...

I was reading through some old e-mails from my lovely younger sister and found this one she sent me over a year ago. Oh, what a sweet, sweet person Erica is! She always is positive and uplifting. Are we from the same parents? Really? My initial response to the e-mail was as posted below. (the original e-mail is in the regular type-- my responses are italicized and in green)

----- READ THIS VERY SLOWLY... IT'S PRETTY PROFOUND.Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those people on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back. From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible.

Sometimes I get to think about all those people on the Titanic who ATE dessert, and when the Titanic hit the iceberg, all that jolting around made them really sea-sick. The movie doesn't depict all the dessert puke all over the boat, now does it...

How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word 'refrigeration' mean nothing to you?

If I had thawed something and was planning on cooking a delicious meal, and my husband looks in the kitchen, sees that I'm cooking and says "hey let's go out to eat" I'd be a little offended, since clearly he might be implying that my cooking sucks!!! Instead of this ingenious "refrigeration" word the author uses, I'd make my husband eat that thawed piece of meat, not cooked, just to show him how bad my 'cooking' can be.

How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched 'Jeopardy' on television?

If my kids have dropped in to talk, I'm getting a little worried since I didn't think I had any. But even more worrisome would be if I was watching Jeopardy.

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, 'How about going to lunch in a half hour?' She would gas up and stammer, 'I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain.' And my personal favorite: 'It's Monday.' She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

We can't eat lunch if our hair is dirty, how unhealthy! How does she not know that?

Because we cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches.. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!

I can't go to lunch next week, I've scheduled in a headache Friday between 11:30 and 7:30 -- sorry. Also, my hair will probably be dirty.

We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Steve toilet-trained. We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet. We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

It's true, Steve really does need to learn that whole toilet training thing -- especially since he's done it so much on the living room carpet that we have to replace it. Who needs a second honeymoon when we can watch Jeopardy in silence with our kids anyway?

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a lit any of 'I'm going to,' 'I plan on,' and 'Someday, when things are settled down a bit.'

Do you want to know what else usually accelerates near the end? A roller coaster. Which is unlike this person's life, who we'll call "Ms. Regret".

When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Roller blades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

And also, Ms. "regretting not eating ice cream on the Titanic", skipping the elevator for the STAIRS is also not a bad choice.

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

A triple-decker, really? One layer for each of your fat rolls?

Now..go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to......not something on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting? Make sure you read this to the end; you will understand why I sent this to you.

Well I'm waiting because you have forced me to read this to the end to understand why you sent this to me. Is it for a guilt trip? Because I'M not the one feeling guilty that I just ate a TRIPLE DECKER IN THE CAR.

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night? Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask 'How are you?' Do you hear the reply?

I tried to gaze at the sun once, and then I realized I went blind. What a stupid thing to do.

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head? Ever told your child, 'We'll do it tomorrow.' And in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die? Just call to say 'Hi'?

I lost my sight, you idiot, not my touch. I can still touch.

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift....Thrown away .. .. Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.

What, our lives have theme music? I guess when the people on the Titanic were dying and throwing up, they got music. Man, they got dessert AND music too? Lucky.

Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND. If it comes back to you, then you'll know you have a circle of friends.

OR you could send this to everyone you consider a LAZY SLOB who never calls you and you're bitter about it. Maybe they'll bring you ice cream later.

'Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!'

What kind of dance? Polka? Because I'd rather throw up on the Titanic.