"Girls Never Listen"

I love spending time with my two favorite kids. Last Sunday we had a birthday dinner for both Heather and Josh at the in-laws home, and Kaden and Kaysee were having a great time playing with Kona. I, in my camera prowess, was able to catch this shot:

The dialogue that goes with this photo was as follows:

Kaysee: Hmmm, let me think. I think Kona wants to play with the fish in the pond.

Kaden: No, Kaycee, Josh and Becca said that Kona can't go in the pond.

Kaysee: Hmmm. Yes, I will let her play in the pond with the fishes.

Kaden: (Sighs) Ugh, girls never listen....

Happy Birthday To You...

This post is just a little late -- so what, I've been too busy to blog at home and upload pictures of this old man who also happens to be my husband. Ah, where do the years go?

Josh turned the big 2-7 on the 5th of October (which, f.y.i., is apparently the most common birthday in the world, who knew?) My parents and all the "illegal" sisters (that means anyone under 18, not illegal aliens, sheesh) came down to watch conference with us, and my mom made delicious lasagna for lunch/dinner. Next, the main food event: Josh's football birthday cake! I have been forced to cross off cake-decorating from my resume, because I am an awful cake decorator. It was a mess. But it was delicious and Josh gave me three points for cleverness.


Moving on -- I thought Josh's birthday post would be an excellent time to incorporate a tag I received from Sara. Many of you may not know my husband very well, so here are some funny quirks about him:

MY JOSH:

1. He will not wear shirts without a collar. True. He thinks he has a long giraffe neck, and will not wear a plain t-shirt. Who knew someone could be self concious about a NECK? Also, he has at least 10 blue polos. I think they are all the same color. He assures me they are completely different shades. If you think Josh keeps wearing the same shirt over and over again, he really doesn't. There are just 10 of them.

2. Josh will not swim in public pools -- for fear of floating poo (or "brown trout" as it is so affectionately called, sorry I know that is gross). Not even dip his toe in. Last summer when that whole crypto-thing came out Josh wore his "I told you so" face for at least 3 months. Along with his fear of public places -- his hatred for Disneyland. We went there on our honeymoon before our cruise and apparently his experience was so bad he will never return -- maybe he felt like he was babysitting the whole time, as I LOVE disneyland and was running and squealing everywhere? I actually forced him into going once after and he and his friend Jake literally whined the whole time... Really, he hates most public places, he's all phobic weird.

3. Josh is Uncle Sam? I have never met someone more patriotic! He really gets after me about my civic duties as a citizen-- yes I am voting next month --, wears his American flag tie on a regular basis and absolutely LOVES the 4th of July! Apparently we are naming all of our unborn children after Ulysses S. Grant -- as he is Josh's all-time hero (and to prove it, he bought a giant photo of him to hang in our house... ugh...)

4. Josh wears flip-flops at least 9 of the 12 months a year. He does not like shoes. To match his polos, he also has approximately 10 pair of the same flip-flop. I suspect he wears them to show off his freakishly long toes --he says they are his Polynesian heritage, made for walking in the sand-- even if it is 30 degrees outside. The only times he does not wear flip-flops is if it is raining or snowing heavily.

5. Another one of Josh's all-time heroes: Santa Claus. I must have had a bad experience as a child that I have blocked out of my memory because I find real-looking Santas creepy. Josh, however, is nuts about Christmas and Santa, cannot get enough of real-looking Santas, and even wishes we had a lifesize Santa decoration in our front entrance. (How creepy would that be? some fat bearded guy staring at me every time I come home?) We fight about this every year-- Santa vs. Snowmen. Josh insists that we send out Christmas Cards that look like this:





Hence, this is why no one gets Christmas cards from us, gross.

6. Josh watches cartoons every day. But not any cartoons, just old, "classic" cartoons. I wake up in the morning and turn on the TV to watch the local news (I should be informed says Josh) and it is always on some Cartoon channel -- apparently this is what he watches before he goes to bed. Our DVR is full of X-Men and Scooby-Doo re-runs. Every Christmas Eve (again, he really, really loves Christmas) we watch Yogi Bear's First Christmas and every October we start watching Scooby Doo Halloween specials. He may have just turned 7 and I mistakenly added a 2 in front of it? Oh, and also, he owns at least 10 Justice League action figures. And yes, we play with them.


7. I don't really know if this is a quirk, but it is something that cracks me up -- there is something about Josh that makes him incredibly attractive to other men. At any given time there are at least 3 guys out to make Josh their boyfriend. Several years ago some guy asked Josh to move in with him (the "perk" this guy used -- I have a shower for two!) Josh gets pretty uncomfortable when guys wink at him or make a go for his back side, but man, I crack up every time! Apparently, Josh is "pretty".


8. Josh talks in his sleep. And he is hi-larious (that is also one of Josh's things -- hi-larious is said just like that, with a pause in between the hi- and the -larious). My still all-time favorite, is when he told me so matter-of-fact-ly that aliens are more afraid of us than we are of them. Most of the time his sleep-talking comes with complimentary hand gestures.




I really lucked out. Josh also reminds me of that every day. How in the world did I end up with him? However it happened, it sure is entertaining every day! And for any of you who haven't had the chance to experience Josh in the full-extent of his funniness, COME ON OVER! If it's my cooking that scares you away, we'll order pizza.

The Trax Chronicles

(this post was actually written several months ago and I forgot about it until now -- I thought it was still funny/awkward so I thought I'd share my story)

Sometimes I feel a bit more humanitarian when I get to tell people I ride the train to work. What a great thing! Before we moved to our new house, we lived right by the trax station, and now that we live so far away from downtown, it's just easier to hop on and not have to think about traffic jams.

Sadly, not everyone shares my love for Trax. Josh, for example, won't ride anymore. We once rode the train to a conference session so we wouldn't have to try and find parking downtown, and some guy was touching his butt the whole time since it was so packed, and that was just a tad uncomfortable for him. I've never understood Josh's distaste for riding Trax, after all, I don't mind sitting uncomfortably close to someone I don't know, and most of the time I just bring a book or my i-pod and people leave me alone. Even the time when I rode with a mental case all the way home, who quoted bible passages and Geoffrey Chaucer the whole way, and also asked me to leave my husband and be with him -- that wasn't so bad. The time when a fellow from Atlanta commanded me to smile, and when I did, told me he was going to call all his friends in Atlanta and tell them to move out here so they could see my smile wasn't bad either. It was almost flattering, really. I really enjoyed the hospital patient who showed me his motorcycle accident skin grafts ALL THE WAY UP HIS LEG (yes I mean all the way). And also, the teenage boys who tried to rob me, and who were very, very unsuccessful, they just needed my cell phone to call their moms, it was alright.

HOWEVER... This morning, I think my comfort level with the whole riding with strangers thing was just a tad breached.

I was miraculously early in getting ready this morning, so I hopped the earlier train, eager to get to work and prepare for a client meeting. I was relieved to see that the train had a few empty seats, and I was lucky to get one of the last ones. I sat next down to a kid who was clearly on his way to school, and clearly must have stayed up late studying, (or something like that) since he was fast asleep. I thought great, sleeping seat buddies are always the best, that way they won't bother me. I thought wrong. I should've realized when I sat down and I could smell his morning breath, even though his mouth wasn't even open, that this was my cue to leave. But I felt guilty for rushing to the seat before everyone else could get to it, and decided I'd just have to bear it. Then, suddenly, his hand fell from his backpack, and dropped right on to my leg. I thought for sure he'd wake up when he realized his hand was on some lady's thigh, but he didn't. I tried to wriggle from under it, but it just followed my leg clear to the side of the seat. I then, gently, pushed it off with my purse. It laid to rest, still touching my leg, on my side of the bench. Phew, that wasn't so bad, I thought. I guess, subconciously, he thought it wasn't so bad either, since his head then switched drooping directions over my way and hovered about an inch over my shoulder. His morning breath was now unbearable. I tried breathing through my mouth, and that just made it worse. I wondered if I could hold my breath for the next 20 minutes, after all I'd seen a magician do it on television. I started to get nervous that a big drop of drool was going to land on my lap, or even worse, my arm. I kept inching away further to the side of the seat; only half of my one butt cheek remained on the seat at this point. Oh, but that kid just kept on sleeping, his body leaning more and more towards me. I wondered if everyone else noticed my level of uncomfort, but no one did. Everyone was too busy applying makeup, reading books, or staring blankly, straight ahead, to notice my unease. I thought, maybe if I think about it hard enough, his body will just sway the other way, and his head would just lay gently on the window. I even tried nudging his body so it would just fall that way, but it just would come back, this time even closer to me. I couldn't believe how slow time was moving.

FINALLY my train stop was next! I lept up from my seat, and watched the kid almost eat the ground when I moved. He awoke with a start, wiped up his drooly face, and looked up at me. I thought for sure he'd be super embarrassed and maybe apologize, since I was embarrassed for him. But he didn't. Instead he gave me this wide, cheesy grin, and then closed his eyes and laid against the window.

I am okay with standing up from now on.

My New "Skill"?

The Atkinsons spoiled Josh and I last weekend to dinner and play time, and let me use my new 50mm lens to take some family photos.  As I was playing around with their photos this week, I became super sad this week at my lack of computer skills doing the whole digital scrapbooking thing.  Any tutors available?  Anyway, I feel at least a little accomplished at what I've learned all by myself today.