Just in case you missed me.

I apologize for the withdrawal symptoms you all must be going through from me not updating the blog.
I'll buy you a diet coke for the side effects.

I have a story:

I have a hilarious younger sister, Andie.  She, being the youngest of 7 girls, is destined to grow up with all sorts of issues.  But she sure is cute.  (Is it just me or does she look like me much?)

When she was 2, Evelyn and I trained her to pick up the phone by saying "I'm dead sexy".

When she was 3, she watched Jurassic Park every night before bed with my dad.

When she was 4, she learned how to do Tai-Chi (I don't know where... no one taught her, just something she picked up) and we exploited her in front of everyone that came over.

When she was 5, her favorite color was black and she was obsessed with witches.


At some point in her early childhood, Andie won the award for the Queen of DRAMA. (psssh, she did NOT get that from me...)  I remember her having to do her Saturday jobs once when she was little.  Her Saturday jobs consisted of things like "write a happy note to your sister" or "fluff the pillows on the couch".  Nothing like the jobs I had when I was a kid.  Spoiled much?  She was complaining that her jobs were toooo hard and she didn't want to do them.  She began unconsolably crying, and suddenly clutched her chest.  "I'm having a HARD-attack" -- she said.

She still is that funny.  And dramatic.

Anyway, this story has two morals:

One -- I think I have had like 8 "hard"-attacks in the last two weeks.  Can someone throw me a bone here?  Whine.

Moral two:  I took thought of this story after taking photos of my A-Dor-A-Ble Son last week for his birfday invitation.  And then I died of a heart-attack.  My child is too good looking.  And I'm not even just saying that. (I hope you got the connection there... that's the way my brain works)

All of my posts revolve around my son.  Just in case you didn't know.

Wheee!

My blog is the most neglected blog on the planet.

Funny -- my house is also the most neglected house on the planet.  As is my pantry, my laundry, and especially Josh.  Just putting that out there.

Moving on -- we had a wonderful Labor Day celebrating Erica's birthday with my family!  Carter and Weston had too much fun on the swings.  Oh, I love those boys.  Have I mentioned that Carter and Weston are best friends?  Because they are.  I am so lucky to have a sister so close (EV PLEASE DON'T EVER MOVE!) with a little boy Weston's age so they can grow up together.  Yeah, that was gushy.  Don't judge, I'm in a sentimental mood!

But now it's your turn to gush -- about how seriously adorable these kids are!  They don't make 'em any better than this!

Tough guy vs. Girly Man

Weston has an adorable cousin and best friend:

CARTER.

He is adorable.  And a genius/ninja.  He's a tough guy -- just look at that mohawk!!!  (you can read about him here on Ev's Amazing Blog)

Carter does not like Weston to forget that he is 10 days older and tougher (is that a word?)than him.  Weston does not like anyone to forget that he is a whiny little girl.  (Remember Alice from my last post?  Yeah... her)

Enter Exhibits:

The baby punch:

Carter was a little upset when Weston showed up wearing the same outfit.  So like any tough guy would, he showed Weston that tough guys don't wear matching outfits, that girly men wear matching outfits.  Weston then did what he does best.  Whine.

Takedown #1:

We got together in St. George for their cousin Lydia's blessing.  Carter was a little upset that Weston's head is now bigger than Carter's.  So he told him to get out of his personal space, yo.  Weston, high-centered on his giant belly, whined.  And tried to squirm away.  But was unsuccessful.  Whine.

Takedown #2:

We thought they were playing nice.  But then Carter had to show off his superior crawling skills.  Weston was in his way.  When the shove didn't work, Carter had no problem showing Weston what's up.  What did Weston do?  He whined.

"Mommy, help me!"

Should we change his name to "WUS-ton?"

But really, don't let it fool you, these guys love each other!  Weston's baby lard will soon turn into pure muscle, as he's working out at the gym 3 hours a day and on a high-protein diet.  If that doesn't work, maybe we'll try some steroids.  And THEN, he'll show Carter who's boss...

(This photo also demonstrates another problem... See the pointed toes?  Weston thinks he is a ballerina. Or a mermaid.  Hard to tell...)

Not Your Best Moment...

I love this kid...

I don't think I'm just being a blissfully unaware parent when I say he is absolutely adorable.

Here's a shocker -- Weston got all of his good looks from Josh.   (Or the mailman.  No one will ever know.)  Sometimes I am sad when I realize (and/or get told 5 times a day from everyone that sees me with him) that he looks nothing like me.
However...
Because I have an 'overload' problem when it comes to taking pictures of Weston, we have at least 5000 photos of him since he was born.  And every once in a while, in those photos, I am reminded of what Weston has inherited from me.

His ability to step into bad lighting...

I'm sure you've noticed how un-photogenic I can be by now.  And as handsome as Weston is, sometimes I fall on the floor laughing at what I get on the camera.  I blame myself.

And now, Weston's debut of some of his least proudest moments:

And we'll start with Weston being his alter-ego,"Alice", as we like to call him.  Sometimes he is such a prima donna!  I'm pretty sure he was crying in French when I took this.  Look at those stuck-up pinkies in the air!

I picture him making a noise like "durrr"... Yes, I know my son's belly is so big that it keeps all limbs from touching the ground.  It's like a little baby teeter-totter.  Weeeee!

He also got his brains from me.  Good boy, way to get in your leafy greens for the day.  I'm so proud of you right now.

This is what we call the "turtle face".  He does it all of the time.  It also comes with sound-effects (he sounds like the plant from Little Shop of Horrors.  "Feed me, Seymour").

And then there's the "tongue":

Yes, I know you have polynesian blood already.  I am very aware of your abnormally large tongue, but thanks for showing me.  Again.

And our all time personal favorite:

We mentioned to Weston that he should model for Gap Baby.  He had a better idea.  Here he is practicing auditioning for the  cover of the new "little tummies" laxatives for babies.  Sometimes it sucks being all stopped up, doesn't it... Either that or he's trying to get the part in an asian baby ad.  It's hard to tell.

But all in all, at the end of the day, he's still my adorable, chubby, daddy's-boy baby.  Oh gosh, I love him.  As do all of the ladies.  And he knows it.

"Heeey, ladies.  No, this body is all-natural.  I really am that good looking."

Hey Mom! I wanna steak!!!

Last week Weston's first installment to his million-dollar smile made its appearance. What a cute little bugger!!! He'll be eating prime rib in no time.

My sister, Carrie, has moved in with us for the summer. I'm so happy!!! I feel like I have octopus arms now, and can actually get things done! Who knew I could sit on the couch and have dinner get cooked at the same time! Oops, I think I just admitted I am lazy and sit on the couch while I order my younger sister around the kitchen....

Also among our accomplishments this last week -- Josh passed a monster of a kidney stone (which he named Young Obama, because, in Josh's words, it "causes pain and anguish"). However, I don't have a picture of that nasty thing. You're welcome. Weston's tooth is just so much cuter.

Sadly, I have no noteworthy accomplishments of my own. I live vicariously through my boys.

whoah -- 4 years!

Today I have been married to Josh for 4 long, happy,

(did i mention long ??)years!!!

{insert extremely sappy, gushing post about how wonderful being married to my one and only has been for the past 4 years}

And then after that mush part, I think I'm supposed to post a picture of us 4 years ago beginning our wedded bliss. Except, we were WAY better looking back then and I don't want people to see how marriage has aged us(mostly me)! Thanks a lot, Josh, I blame my haggard looks all on you! :)

So instead I'll just post a ridiculously cute picture of Weston. Because that's what everyone wants to see anyway.

Anyway, back to the whole anniversary bit -- 4 years, really? How did that happen? It seems like yesterday I was just meeting Josh, and trying to swoon him while in my drug-induced state from my tonsillectomy (it's good that shortly after, he became in a drug-induced state from shoulder surgery and I was able to claim him for my own before he knew any better) -- yes, if you want to know our humble beginnings, just ask sometime. That was a good summer.

And now we are, in the perfect marriage. I mean, really, perfect. I don't know how I got a husband who never leaves the toilet seat up, who never makes me cook a meal, who never leaves his beard shavings in the sink, and never, ever, EVER cuts one loose in front of me...

.... Okay so he does all of those things.

But I love him and don't mind any of that stuff. That's marriage, right? And now with 4 years under my belt, I've become quite the expert. With that said, this is

what I've learned from being married to Josh:

* all it takes to keep Josh happy is some kool-aid in the fridge and some gummy worms in the candy jar. (seriously, why was I wasting years trying to make him happy in other ways? things have been so much simpler since i figured this one out)

* It's not about winning an argument. It's about making him think he's won. And that, my friends, is victory.

* Christmas morning is not Christmas morning without Yogi Bear's first Christmas. Every year. For the rest of my life. (I think next year I will have it memorized)

* Save the drama for your mama. So, you're bleeding out of your eye/having a seizure/just broke your arm/are writhing in pain from kidney stones? No biggie. I won't freak out. We'll go to the hospital after I stop at McDonald's for a hot fudge sundae.

* So I want to watch TV? I have five choices: The A-Team, Pardon the Interruption, Scooby Doo, auto auctions, or the news.

* Fake tears do not work on Josh. Neither do real tears, actually. The best way to break through his hard outer shell into the soft gooey center is to entice him with:

a. bbq pork, b. pillsbury crescent rolls, or c. a trip to the beach.

* Which brings me here: a vacation is not a vacation if a beach is not involved. And that brings me to the next lesson:

* do NOT come between a man and his ocean. I have come to accept that i come second next to the beach. And that is OK.

* He needs a new shirt? Can't decide which one? Oh, wait, get the blue one.

* Need to get his attention? Show up with a large orange hi-c from McDonalds and he's all yours.

I give myself 1, maybe 2 more years until we reach utter perfection.

My "Mommy's Day"

What a weird thing to be a mommy! To think, last year on Mother's day we told Josh's family we were going to have a baby! And now, here we are, with our 6 month old little "Toa". Love him.

My VERY FIRST MOTHER'S DAY EVER was not the hype I had it planned out to be in my head, (you know, endless pampering, breakfast in bed, Josh suddenly getting over his fear of feet and giving me a heavenly foot massage as I eat strawberries...) as I went up to Thatcher to spend mom's day with my mom and he stayed home. :( BUT when I came home, Josh had some surprises for me. My favorite was my gift card to the buckle:

Don't judge the awful picture taken with my cell phone. If you squint or go cross-eyed it makes it easier to read. But if you are afraid of getting your eyes stuck like that, I have transcribed it below:

"Dear Mommy. I love you Thank you for changing my poopies and feeding me.

Please don't buy 'mom jeans'. Get something nice.

Love Weston"

(Yes, that is Josh's real handwriting. I Love him.)

"We're going to try this new thing called jogging.

Or maybe it's 'yogging'. It could be a silent 'j'."...

I have been in a blogging SLUMP lately! So, after many whines and complaints -- mostly from myself -- I am BACK! But I have soooo much to write about -- josh's broken arm, my fabulous trip to Ohio to meet my niece, Weston, of course, my adventures as a democratic delegate (yeah, you heard right...) and the list goes on! so instead of writing about ANY of that, I will just show you a picture, and then tell you some of the things I think about during the day...

Does this not crack you up or what! bah ha ha -- I may be a bad mother for torturing my son like this and then laughing at him... Anyway, here are some thoughts:

-- My butt called -- it told me that I need to take up running (yogging?) once again. But I really hate it. I am not a runner -- my face doesn't sweat really well so instead it turns beet red when I work out/run/exert more energy than walking up a flight of stairs. Then people think I am maybe having a heart attack and that is embarrassing.

-- I had a dream a while ago that Kona ate through her skin and died. Man, her food allergies annoy me. (she keeps me up at night with her scratching and now it is haunting my dreams!!!) It really traumatized me!!!

-- Josh's brain spots also annoy me. Most particularly the migraines that they cause. Stupid spots.

-- My favorite thing right now is Weston's pj's that are just a shirt and pants/shorts. I LOVE when his little belly hangs out and I get to blow raspberries on it!

-- I have an uncontrollable addiction to almond joys right now! I must be stopped!!!

-- Dear Weston -- will you grow dark curly locks already?

-- Man, i look hot in my new leather jacket. Sizzle. I probably should buy a motorcycle now to complete the outfit.

-- Weston's new 'vocabulary' of sounds: dadada, gagaga, hi (whispered), and blah blah blah. that one is my favorite. If only he knew what he was saying.

-- He also has developed a banshee screech. Seriously, kid? Ouch, my eardrums are bleeding!!!!

Well, that is all for now. Miss you all!!!

KONA

our first child

Today is Kona's (made up) 2nd Birthday. For her birthday, we are going to let her sleep on our bed, eat at least 2 pairs of my shoes, steal our dinner off the table, and lick Weston's head.

Wait, she does that every day anyway...

Those of you who haven't met our (insane) dog are missing out! These are just some of the tricks she knows:

She works on the laptop


she SMILES


she WINKS

And if you haven't seen her play catch through the stair railing, you are really missing out. This is her making a basket in the sconce. 2 points!

Before Weston was born, she helped us prepare for a child in the following ways:

*waking us up multpile times at night
*whining/crying. It's nothing new to us.
*cleaning up puke (she has a binge/purge problem)
*not being able to go places at night for the inability to find a sitter
*getting used to not doing what we want to do, but what she wants to do
*cleaning up after her. Seriously, you should see how quickly she can destroy a tennis ball.

Even through all of her craziness, she is still part of our family; and not to mention she adores Weston:

(she gets mad at me if I let him cry for too long, she cleans up his spitup -- i know, gross, right??? -- she gets sooo excited when he comes home from daycare)
It will be fun when they're best buds growing up!!!

Also, maybe one day she'll calm down!!!

(and also maybe one day I'll clip her nails... I'm a bad mom)

Sending a little love your way for Valentine's Day.

This kid got over RSV in a hurry just so he could pose for some photos for mama! What a champ...

Seriously, yeah, he's that cute in person too.

Other than his nasty 'stank eye'. Hopefully it will be better by tomorrow.